Some of the Things

And then some more...

Photo by Patrick Perkins on Unsplash

Howdy! I have so many drafts going right now. It’s a bit insane. My draft number is fast approaching my published number. I promise a more well-crafted piece soonish (I have 2-3 that are getting there, lol). My headspace is so clouded and overwhelmed right now. I’m sure there are a lot of people feeling the same-ish. And every day, the list of things grows.

Yesterday was this from Forbes:

“The Trump administration’s Department of Education abruptly removed two critical applications related to student loan forgiveness and repayment on Friday, throwing an already troubled federal student loan system into greater turmoil.

The department took down the online application portal for income-driven repayment, or IDR. IDR plans are repayment programs that allow borrowers to make payments based on a formula applied to their income and family size, with any remaining balance forgiven, typically after 20 or 25 years in repayment. The department also removed the online application to apply for a federal Direct consolidation loan. Both applications are critical for borrowers pursuing lower payments and loan forgiveness through IDR, as well as the related Public Service Loan Forgiveness (or PSLF) program.”

Several days over the past couple of weeks, I put into my temporary working memory (that’s obviously not working so well) to remember to sign on and check to see if it’s time for me to redo the IDR plan. My 20-25 years should be coming up soon maybe? I also don’t know if my consolidation a couple of years ago affects this. Does that 20-25 years start over? And is it even going to matter now? If they do away with the IDR, I’m screwed. I mean I should write a whole thing on just this issue alone. I really thought that getting a degree would mean something when I was pursuing my degree. Now? I reached the lifetime student loan max 1 or 2 classes and a dissertation shy of getting a PhD, so I had to drop out of the program (Grad plus loans are credit-based, and due to long story reasons, I did not qualify). I owe about 200k in student loans, and I’ve never been in a position where I can pay on any of it. I’m bitter af about this too. Not having that PhD means I have zero chance of becoming a full-time faculty member at the University where I teach part-time courses online. Full-time faculty positions at community colleges are so competitive that I would also really need a PhD to be in the running for a position at one (they require an MA, but prefer a PhD).

But, seriously, every single aspect of my life and how I am able to survive is under fire. One of the pieces I have been working on for a couple of weeks now kind of details a lot of my tenuous financial situation. My life has been precarious at best for several years now. I was panicking before the last couple of weeks in January because I had a month-long gap in teaching contracts, which meant a month without a paycheck.

I can’t focus. I have been struggling so hard to just work and meet any of my work deadlines. I keep telling myself that I need to get caught up on work before I can work on any of the drafts I have going right now. But, work is part of the problem - so I started a new draft for my thoughts on that. Ha! I have been procrastinating my work so hard. Because MORE THAN HALF (probably up to 80% if not more) of my students are submitting work that is AI-generated. Discussions, peer responses, and papers… and I’m so over it. It has taken all of the joy out of teaching. Look for a post on this, hopefully soon. I have final grades due for my current class on 3/9, then I will have a week-long break before the next class starts on 3/18.

Earlier last week was the news that Iowa passed a bill removing civil rights protections for transgender Iowas. I’m glad that my transitioning stepchild (and one of their best friends, who is also transitioning) lives across the river in Illinois. But, I do have other family members, and friends living in Iowa who are transgender that this bill will negatively affect. And how many states will follow Iowa on this?

The most vulnerable in our society are in such a horrible situation. My children and I are those people. One of my best friends is also one of those people. While I don’t mean to compare circumstances, her situation is more dire than mine. I am certain that there is someone in your life, a friend or family member, who fits into this category. My friend has a disability that prevents her from being able to work. She also has several medical issues. She quite literally survives every day because she is on disability and on Medicaid.

I was commenting on someone else’s post last week about this, and I was thinking, “I’m so glad none of my children are medically fragile.” But, I wasn’t thinking about the fact that one of my children has very bad allergies and asthma and requires the use of an inhaler on a daily basis. That pretty much qualifies. I wouldn’t be able to afford his inhalers without Medicaid.

My household relies on many forms of assistance. If even one of them doesn’t come through one month - it would be disastrous. My family receives rental assistance, SNAP, disability, and Medicaid. These forms of assistance have allowed us to have food and shelter (as well as healthcare). Neither of those things have been secure for the past couple of years, either. To be clear, I have no qualms about working outside of the home in ANY job that would allow me to provide for my family. There are many circumstances that prevent this, none of which have to do with any unwillingness to work on my part.

All of my children have diagnoses - one of them has several and is the one who is on disability. At one point, all four of them were on IEPs. As of now, one of them remains on an IEP.

Two of my children are involved in transition programs through their high school (a third may be as well in a couple/few years?).

And now, I can’t remember what else specifically has been under attack (because it’s been so much!)… but, pretty much everything has been related to some form of assistance, or some program or service that we utilize and rely upon.

Since this shitstorm has started, I have felt so entirely hopeless. One of my favorite Substack writers, Garrett Bucks, published a piece called “Thirty lonely but beautiful actions you can take right now which probably won't magically catalyze a mass movement against Trump but that are still wildly important.” Initially, I didn’t read it. Because I was thinking, it doesn’t matter how small, I’m not going to be able to do any of it… I don’t have time. I don’t have money. I’m too worried about everything to be able to even have a focused thought let alone action. Then, as that post was shared widely and gained momentum, he had a follow-up post about it, “Soon, there will be a spark,” where he detailed how people were doing some of the things he suggested, and someone formatted his piece into booklets and pamphlets to spread…and he offered some designs to make posters out of. I read THIS post and was like, OMG, here are some things I can actually DO!!! As if they weren’t mentioned in the original post - which I did go back and read. Hahahaha! So, I encourage you all to go read the “Thirty things” post and go download the booklets and pamphlets linked in the second post.

Not my photo - just a random pic I saved from Facebook somewhere a super long time ago, so I don’t remember where I got it to give credit.

Wish me luck. I have 15 PT (parent teacher) conferences at the High School tonight, and 7 at the Junior High on Thursday.